See God's
Design for the Christian Home
THE CHRISTIAN HOME
Editorial
November/December, 1975
Volume 10, Number 6
When God created the first man and put him in the Garden,
Adam was a lonely being. He needed the love and companionship of a good
wife. God created Eve to be Adam's companion, and ever since that time
it has been God's plan for most men and most women to leave the homes of
their childhood, to become united in holy wedlock, and to set up homes
of their own (Mark 10:6-9).
The house may be a rancher or a cottage, an apartment
or a tent -- but if father and mother and children live there (bound together
by the cords of love and the bonds of holy matrimony and the ties of mutual
respect) - it is a beautiful home. To be a Christian home, there must be
a submission on the pan of each member of the family to the greater authority
of the Lord Jesus Christ.
The Bible sets forth basic principles that must operate
if a home is to be pleasing to God. Responsibility is the key to the husband's
role (1 Corinthians 11:3). Subjection is the key to the wife's role (Ephesians
5:24). Obedience is the key to the children's role (Colossians 3:20). Nurture
is the key to the parents' role (Ephesians 6:4). These are "the four walls"
of a Christian home. If any one of these principles is ignored, the home
will tend to collapse.
The home is a testing ground by which a local assembly
of believers can determine whether or not a man is qualified for leadership
responsibilities in the church. The church officer is to be one who "rules
well his own house," one whose children "are in subjection with all gravity,"
and one who has "faithful children, not unruly." It is an awesome responsibility
to be a mother or to be a father, to be a husband or to be a wife. one
who is a poor example in his own little home, is incompetent to be a leader
in the assembly of God's people.
In our day marriages are breaking up, families are falling
apart, and many young people are simply "shacking up" together without
bothering to make lifetime marriage commitments. Dr. Sorokin says, "No
society has ever survived after its family life deteriorated." What is
happening to our country at the time of its Bicentennial celebration, is
identical to what happened in the Greek Empire just after the Peloponnesian
Wars, and to what happened in the Roman Empire during the early centuries
A.D. Both of those nations fell. Unless there is a revival of respect for
and practice of the God-given principles for our homes, America is headed
for the same destination.
--H.S.M.
The Christian Home
by Olen B. Landes
The home is an institution of divine origin, instituted long before
the church. The home is the basic unit of society, and the foundation upon
which civilization is built. Although the home was instituted long before
the church, both have much in common. The same love, compassion, devotion,
understanding, and loyalty which exists between Christ and the Church,
should exist between husband and wife, parents and children, and brothers
and sisters in the Christian home.
Therefore, every Christian home is a little church, a haven of domestic
joy, a refuge from the stormy winds that trouble the sea of life, and a
shrine where the members of the family purify their souls at the altar
of prayer and thus renew their strength and courage for the daily tasks.
Home is a place where the family works together with God in creative processes;
a place where little children are nurtured and taught; where persons sing,
laugh, play, and cry; a place where youth are prepared for the going out,
for the taking of their places of responsibility in society; it is a place
of tranquility and peace, a place of joy and happiness. It is sad indeed
that many homes are far below God's standard, and are not the kind of a
place just described.
It seems that Satan is using every strategy, every means at his command
to undermine and break down the home. J. Edgar Hoover once said: "Some
American homes are the greatest crime-breeding institutions in the nation,
because it is here that children learn disobedience, disrespect for authority,
and rebellion against the rights and properties of others. In thousands
of homes children are being raised as though they were boarders; three
meals a day and sleeping quarters are all that home represents to such
youngsters; after school and between meals they are being shuttled out
into the streets, off to the movies, over to the neighbors, down the alley,
anywhere, to get them out of the way."
Mr. Hoover also said, "The rising trend in crime once again directs
its attention to the home youthproblem. More and more I am convinced that
the fault lies directly in the home. Parental responsibility is no longer
in style. Juvenile delinquency does not occur until adults first become
delinquent. I do not look upon this situation simply as a juvenile delinquency
problem. I think it is more properly described as adult delinquency, the
failure of the mother and father to properly establish a home and take
care of their children."
The sanctity of the home and the marriage relationship is being treated
far too lightly today. The United States is leading all Europe and the
Americas in divorce. Our nation's present divorce rate is approximately
one third of the marriage rate. We must face the hard cold facts whether
we want to or not. Divorce is failure; it is family bankruptcy. So called
"free love," wife-swapping, and the obsession with sex are large contributing
factors to the moral break-down in our homes. Some pastors and university
chaplains are openly condoning pre-marital sex. The American people are
becoming obsessed with sex, and this is a mark of a decaying civilization.
Dr. Arnold Toynbee, who is recognized as one of the great historians, has
said that of the twenty-two civilizations that have arisen in history,
nineteen of them collapsed when they reached the moral condition that the
United States is already in.
Let us observe some things that we can do to strengthen the moral, social,
and spiritual condition of the home.
1. Emphasize more than ever before the importance of Christian
marriages, which are preceded by a time of courtship based on Bible standards.
We find the following admonition in 2 Corinthians 6:14, "Be ye not unequally
yoked together with unbelievers." In 1 Corinthians 15:33 the Bible says,
"Be not deceived; evil communications corrupt good manners.'' The Williams
translation reads: "Evil companionships corrupt good character." The importance
of Christian marriages is lifted up in 1 Corinthians 7:39, "A wife is bound
to her husband as long as he lives. If her husband dies, she is free to
marry anyone she pleases so long as he is a Christian. " If it is important
that the second marriage be a Christian union, it is far more important
that the first marriage be a binding of two sincere believers in Christ,
for it is to this first union that children are usually added. Every young
person when considering forming a life's companionship, should seek divine
guidance. If he seeks the Lord's direction earnestly and prayerfully, he
will receive it.
2. Encourage every married couple to establish its own
home, and let the husband take his place as the priest or head of the family,
and as the bread winner; and let the wife take up her role as his "help
meet," and a "keeper at home." Many women argue that they have to earn
an income in order to establish a home. They think it is impossible to
survive on their husband's income. That is sometimes the case, but it must
always be viewed as a regrettable necessity, never as the normal or natural
thing for a wife to do. When God instituted the home He said that a man
"should leave father and mother and cleave to his wife." In Ephesians 5:22-24
we observe the following instructions: "Wives, submit yourselves to your
own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife,
even as Christ is the head of the church; and he is the saviour of the
body. Therefore, as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives
be to their own husbands in everything." Although we husbands and fathers
hold a very important place in the home as the priest (or head) and the
bread winner, the mother occupies just as important a place. Every mother
in addition to being a faithful helpmate to her husband, must be a teacher,
a nurse, a disciplinarian (in her husband's absence), a diplomat, a dietitian,
a cook, an interior decorator, a seamstress, an artist, an economist, a
mechanic, and she assumes a host of other responsibilities. What a diversified
career! Only a God-fearing woman can rightly fill this place in the home.
The Bible says in Proverbs 31: "For her price is far above rubies. The
heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no
need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil, all the days of her life.
"
3. Exercise more love and understanding. Being the priest
or head of the family does not give the husband the right to lord-over
or mistreat his wife. The apostle Paul writes the following instructions
under inspiration of the Spirit in Ephesians 5:25 (Living Bible) "And you
husbands, show the same kind of love to your wives as Christ showed to
the church when he died for her." Christ's love for the church is an "agape"
sacrificial kind of love.
The husband who isn't careful about being on time for meals, or carelessly
drags mud in the house on his shoes, or thoughtlessly throws his clothes
over a chair or on the floor, is not doing his duty; the husband who fails
to close his dresser drawers and closet doors, or does not consult his
wife when making plans that involve her, or fails to assist her with some
of the duties about the house when she is burdened with little children,
or talks disrespectfully to her -- is not showing the kind of love to his
wife that Christ showed to the church when He died for her.
Members of the family must strive to cherish a mutual esteem and love;
to bear with each other's weaknesses and infirmities; to comfort each other
in sorrow, sickness, and trouble; in honesty and industry to provide for
each other; to pray for and encourage each other in the things pertaining
to God; and to live and work together as heirs of the grace of God.
4. Establish the family altar.
This means we should set aside a period of time for Bible reading, study,
and prayer as a family. There is much truth in the familiar saying, "The
family that prays together stays together." This is not always easy with
the kind of schedule many of us have to follow. It will require effort,
but it will pay great dividends. If the family cannot always be brought
together for worship as a unit, we should never neglect our daily private
devotions. I would not want to face the many duties and responsibilities
of the day without first spending some time alone with God in meditation
and prayer, pouring out my heart to the Lord in thanksgiving, adoration,
praise, and making my requests known to God, seeking His grace and guidance
for the day, asking Him to make- me an effective witness as I come in contact
with people. The first people I have an opportunity to witness to are the
members of my family. Much more could be said about the importance of the
family altar but time and space will not permit it. Brother Kenneth Hershey
has written a splendid article on the subject in a previous issue of the
Witness.
(See Volume 9 Number 4).
5. Keep the communication lines open between husband and
wife, parents and children, and brothers and sisters in the home. Communication
is a basic skill needed to establish and maintain sound relationships in
the home.
My father possessed a very deep-rooted faith. His standards were set
high. He believed in holding to the line. Yet, he was very loving and understanding,
and always kept the communication lines open. We children could always
go to him at any time under any circumstance and share our concerns with
him.
The Christian is admonished to speak "the truth with his neighbor, for
we are members one of an other" (Ephesians 4:25). Christians cannot walk
together harmoniously unless they do so on the basis of honesty, openness,
and truth. Each member of the family should be able to sit down and discuss
problems freely with the other members of the family, and matters should
always be settled before nightfall!
6. Exercise more discipline. Christian discipline is one
of the ways through which love exemplifies itself. In Hebrews 12:5-7 (Living
Bible) we read, "And have you quite forgotten the encouraging words God
spoke to you, his child? He said, "My Son, don't be angry when the Lord
punishes you. Don't be discouraged when he has to show you where you are
wrong. For when he punishes you, it proves that he loves you. When he whips
you it proves you are really his child. Let God train you, for he is doing
what any loving father does for his children. Whoever heard of a son who
was never corrected?"
Although the new approach to child training advocated by some academic
teachers, rules out the wisdom of discipline, (they say that all the child
needs is free expression of all his inward desires) - the Bible says, "Chasten
thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying"
(Proverbs 22:15). Hebrews 12:11 (Goodspeed) says, "Discipline is never
pleasant at the time; it is painful; but to those who are trained by it,
it afterward yields the peace of character.''
"Child guidance has taken on a new meaning," says popular columnist
Ann Landers. "Parents are being guided by children. Those of us who are
past forty have witnessed a dazzling historical triple pass. In our growing
up years Father was the undisputed head of the house. With the advent of
World War II, Mother displaced Father, and now in far too many families,
the children are calling the signals. They are clearly in control." The
Bible says, in Ephesians 6:1-3 "Children obey your parents in the Lord,
for this is right. Honor thy father and mother (which is the first commandment
with promise), that it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long
on the earth." The following verse as it is paraphrased by Phillips clearly
implies that discipline begins with teaching: "Fathers, don't over-correct
your children or make it difficult for them to obey the commandment. Bring
them up with Christian teaching in Christian discipline."
In Deuteronomy 6:7 we read, "And thou shalt teach them diligently unto
thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house,
and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou
risest up." This challenges us as parents to be more diligent, making every
effort to instill into the young receptive minds of our children the great
eternal truths of the Scriptures.
There must be a mutual love in each of our homes. The love must not
be one-sided. The husband is to love his wife and the wife is to love the
husband. Parents are to love the children, and the children are to love
the parents. This is the roof that must cover the home, and it will bring
happiness to all who live there. The greatest need in America (and the
greatest need in the Church of the Brethren) is for more truly Christian
homes built upon Bible standards. You can't decide for other homes, but
from this day forward you can decide that yours will be a Christian home.