See also The
Christian Home
GOD'S DESIGN FOR
THE CHRISTIAN HOME
Editorial
May/June, 1983
Volume 18, Number 3
There is a war on the family today. Forces which are behind
the war on the family include: 1) Concepts assumed on TV (sex without love,
rebellion against authority, divorce and remarriage); 2) The cult of playboy;
3) The women's liberation movement; 4) The homosexual revolution; 5) Questionable
medical advances (genetic engineering, artificial insemination, cloning,
surrogate motherhood).
U.S. News & World Report said recently
that only 13% of our nation's households consist of the ideal family --
a working father, a stay-at-home mother, and one or more children. A report
in Newsweek
(in its 1983 fiftieth anniversary edition) says
that 3% of our nation's households are POSSLQs (Persons of the Opposite
Sex Sharing Living Quarters). The "family" is often defined as "two or
more people who reside under the same roof and have a commitment to the
future." Such a definition allows for apartment marriages, bigamous liaisons,
communal cohabitation, and homosexual partnerships.
The "family" (in its true biblical sense) is "a unit comprised
of persons who are related by blood, by marriage, or by adoption -- with
a male father and a female mother who have made a binding commitment for
life." This rules out saying that a fellow and a girl temporarily living
together until one partner tires of the other is a "family." It does not
allow two lesbian females who adopt children and live together under the
same roof to be called a "family." From God's point of view (as revealed
in His Word), a good family unit consists of a dynamic leader for a father,
a self-sacrificing mother, and cooperative children who respect their parents.
Marriage is not a custom that gradually came to be accepted
during early human history. The family as an institution was originated
by God at the time of the beginning of the human race. Marriage is a God-appointed
relationship. Genesis 2:24 is a key passage that describes the divine origin
of marriage. God says, "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his
mother, and shall cleave unto his wife; and they shall be one flesh." Notice
some conclusions drawn from Genesis 2:24.
1) A lifetime binding commitment -- "cleave" is a word
that speaks of a strong binding glue like the epoxy glues that cannot be
broken.
2) Establishes a separate unit -- "leave" means "to abandon
the former relationship" not in the sense of dishonor but in the sense
of establishing a new entity.
3) No homosexual marriages -- the passage is given in
the context of a man and a woman (Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve).
Thus, those who love the Lord and are seeking to do His
will, cringe when they read statements like the following: "Marriage itself,
or marriage and the family, are now instruments of women's oppression.
The institution is wrong." (Gloria Steinem, in an interview in Redbook
magazine). Let Christians everywhere seek to order their family relationships
in accord with God's Word. The article which follows is an attempt to help
all of us.
--H. S. M.
God's Design For the Christian Home
By Harold S. Martin
The nearest thing to heaven on earth is the Christian family and home,
where husband and wife, parents and children, live together in love and
peace, devoted to God and to each other. By way of contract, the nearest
thing to hell on earth is the ungodly home, broken by sin and iniquity,
where parents quarrel and bicker and separate, and where children are given
over to the forces of wickedness to be brought up with scarcely any training
at all.
The word "home" likely takes your mind back across the years, and for
some the mind goes across hundreds of miles of space -- to the spot which
will be forever hallowed in your memories among all places on earth. You
are reminded of the place where you grew up as a boy, or as a girl, playing
around the yard with brothers and sisters and neighbor children, and where
you sat around the old range stove on a winter evening with your mother
and dad and the rest of the family. There are several things about that
old home-place which ace not true about any other spot on earth, as far
as you are concerned.
In this message we want to see what the Bible says about the duties
of the various members of the family to each other and to the Lord.
1. DUTIES OF WIVES TO THEIR HUSBANDS
a) The Christian wife is to be subject to her husband.
God says that the husband and wife are to submit to one another (Ephesians
5:21). There is to be a mutual submission between the two. But Ephesians
5:22 says the wife is to submit to her husband's leadership in the same
way that she submits to the Lord. Just as a team needs a head coach, and
a business needs a director, so the home needs someone to be in charge
-- and God says that the leader in the family situation should be the man.
Some think "submission" means that the wife becomes a kind of insignificant
doormat. But the wife is not inferior; she is not a slave; she is not a
doormat. "Inferiority" speaks of a fundamental difference in personal value.
"Submission" speaks of a simple difference in relative responsibility.
The husband should lead off in shouldering financial problems, making major
family decisions, and taking the lead in spiritual nurture -- and thus
the wife is relieved of the emotional pressures that often bear down in
daily family activities.
If a neighbor complains to a wife and a mother about some damage the
children did to his fence, the wife can say, "I'll speak to my husband
about it and we'll take care of it." This is a proper response, and it
sets the wife free from the emotional burden of making final decisions,
and taking the responsibility for them. Each wife should rejoice in her
husband's authority over her, and should be subject to him graciously.
It is your special privilege to move day after day under the protection
of his authority. This is women's liberation in a very real sense!
It must be pointed out that the Lord commands husbands to love their
wives, and if the husband loves his wife as Christ loved the church, she
will have no difficulty with being subject to him. When problems arise
(and they will arise), they should be carefully discussed together. A vote
should then be taken. If both agree -- good. But in the case of a tie (the
wife votes one way and the husband votes the other), then the husband should
cast the deciding vote. The husband should assume the final leadership
in the home.
b) The wife is to respect and admire her husband. Ephesians
5:33 says, "Let every one of you (husbands) so love his wife even as himself;
and the wife see that she reverence her husband."
The wife should respect her husband. This seems to be true even for
the wife who has an unsaved husband (1 Peter 3:1). What kind of life are
you living before your husband) Does he see in you true Christian living?
Are you cheerful, loving, loyal, and obedient? Some wives drive their husbands
away from Christ because they don't respect them. Instead of being cheerful
and obedient, they are noted for preaching and nagging. Nothing breaks
the spirit of a man more quickly than a nagging wife.
The wife who loves her husband will be careful not to say things (even
in a joke) that would tend to injure him. The wife who loves her husband
will be careful not to use sarcasm or bitterness or verbal attacks. The
wife who loves her husband guards his respect and maintains a home that
supports him. The Amplified translation of Ephesians 5:33 says, "Let the
wife see that she respects her husband, notices him, regards him, honors
him,. . .and admires him exceedingly." c) The Christian wife is to be a
keeper at home. Titus 2:4-5 says, "Teach the young women to be sober, to
love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers
at home." The home is to be the sphere of the woman's influence. There
are too many families that have such a high standard of living that mother
has to work away from home to help pay the bills. Then in the evening,
when happy family activities should take place, mother's energy is all
spent, and pressing duties don't permit her that happy fellowship. There
may be some exceptions, but generally speaking, the father is to be the
breadwinner and the mother is to be the keeper at home.
2. DUTIES OF HUSBANDS TO THEIR WIVES
a) The husband is to honor and respect his wife. We are
instructed in 1 Corinthians 7:3, "Let the husband render unto the wife
due benevolence."
The husband is to show due courtesies to his wife. It is pathetic to
see how some young men can play the part of a gentleman, be courteous,
gracious, and show respect to young ladies when they are courting them
-- and then after marriage, they come home and scold and nag and become
sullen and bitter. The Christian husband is to remember that it is no easy
thing for his wife to keep house, care for the children, and experience
the vexing things that come along with the daily duties of home life. Let
the husband render to his wife due courtesies.
b) The husband is to consider her physical frailty. 1
Peter 3:7 admonishes, "Husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge,
giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel."
The husband is to keep in mind that his wife is generally speaking physically
more frail than he. Each husband should be careful not to create additional
unnecessary work for his wife. And yet when some husbands leave the house
in the morning, it seems like a hurricane had gone through, and when they
come home at night it looks as if they brought half the mud from the river-bed
in on the carpet! If we husbands would close our doors and hang up our
clothes we might have more pleasant wives.
c) The husband is to truly love his wife. Colossians 3:19
says, "Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them."
The husband is to demonstrate true affection for his wife. He should
tell her that he loves her, and he is to treat her with the same love and
gentleness and kindness he showed her while he was courting her. How long
is it, husband, since you remembered her with those little tokens of love
(a box of candy or a bouquet of flowers) which you were eager to shower
upon her during courtship days? If you have been neglecting this duty --
go to your wife, apologize for your thoughtlessness, take out your family
Bible, read the record of your marriage, and brighten up that old level
If husbands and wives would work as hard to keep each other as they once
did to catch each other, most domestic home problems would be forever solved.
The spirit of courtship needs to be continued throughout married life.
3. DUTIES OF CHILDREN TO THEIR PARENTS
a) Children should honor their parents. God says in Ephesians
6:2, "Honor thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with
promise."
It is the duty of every child to respect and honor his parents. If you
are inclined to be ashamed of them, remember that they cared for you when
you were altogether unable to care for yourself. We sometimes forget that
our mothers endangered their lives for our sakes; we are ungrateful for
the weary toil of our fathers; we fail to appreciate the many sleepless
nights that they went through in order that we might be comfortable. Each
of us owes his parents honor and respect and courtesy.
b) Children should accept instruction from parents. We
read in Proverbs 1:8, "My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and
forsake not the law of thy mother." The admonition is very simple. Children
can easily understand it. It is wise to heed the instructions of parents
because the advice and mandates which Christian parents give are generally
intended for the welfare of the child.
Danny was a seven-year-old boy, and had a big yard in which to play.
But in winter, he always wanted to do his sledding on the snow out on the
road. One time when his mother saw him out on the road, she called him
in, and made him stay in the house -- reminding him how she had told him
never to sled on the road. But throughout the evening, Danny kept an begging
to go out. He had heard the laughter of others on the outside; they were
having a good time, and finally his mother let him go out. As he dashed
toward the door, his mother reminded him once again: "Remember what I told
you, Danny, about going on the street; stay in the yard." But those were
the last words Danny ever heard his mother speak. Five minutes later, he
was killed by an automobile out on the road.
c) Children should diligently obey their parents. Children
are instructed in Colossians 3:20, "Children, obey your parents in all
things, for this is well pleasing unto the Lord."
One of the most beautiful Scriptures regarding the childhood of Jesus
is the one which says, "He went down to Nazareth and was subject unto them."
If Jesus, the eternal Son of God, was subject to family authority, then
certainly every child ought to obey his parents. One of the saddest New
Testament Scriptures is the one that says, in the last days children shall
be "disobedient to parents." A child should never call his dad "the old
man" and his mother "the old lady." Children -- treat your parents as you'll
wish you had treated them when you say your last good-bye to them and when
you take that last look at mother and daddy as they lie before you in their
caskets.
4. DUTIES OF PARENTS TO THEIR CHILDREN
a) Parents should teach their children. Deuteronomy 6:6-7
says, "And these words which I command thee this day shall be in thine
heart; and thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shall
talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, when thou walkest by the
way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up."
Bear in mind that every child is born into this world with a sinful
nature, and that the cute cooing baby in his cradle will soon demonstrate
that he has a will of his own. He will lustily scream if he doesn't get
his own way. Thus every child needs to be taught diligently. Reading and
quoting the Bible in your home should be just as natural as talking about
the weather. Teach them the way of salvation. Read to them from wholesome
literature. Memorize Bible verses with them. It is amazing how much truth
a child's mind can absorb.
b) Parents should he good examples for their children. The
passage in Deuteronomy 6:8 says, "And these words. . .shall be in thine
heart, and thou shalt teach them."
The Word of God must first be in the parents' hearts! Children are great
imitators. We have all seen little girls wearing the clothes of older persons.
They want to be like mother. The best way to "train up a child in the way
he should go" is to go that way yourself. Most children want to be the
kind of man or woman their mother and dad is.
"There are little eyes upon you,
and they're watching night and day;
There are little ears that quickly
Take in every word you say.
"You're the little fellow's idol,
You're the wisest of the wise;
In his little mind -- about you
No suspicions ever rise.
"You are setting an example,
Every day, in all that you do,
To the little boy who is waiting,
To grow up and become like you."
c) Parents should discipline their children. Proverbs 29:15
says, "The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself bringeth
his mother to shame." The New Testament says that children shall be brought
up in the "nurture and admonition of the Lord" (Ephesians 6:4). The word
for "nurture" is actually "scourging." Some don't use the rod, but if you
want to ruin your children, just dance to the tune of their every desire
and you can be assured that the job of ruination will soon be complete.
I have seen children throw themselves on the floor and kick and scream
and insist on getting their own way -- and the parents made one threat
after another, but failed to mete out due punishment. God have mercy on
parents who fail to discipline and admonish their children. The Bible tells
about God's judgment on one family because the father (who was a good man
and was engaged in the service of the Lord) failed to discipline his sons.
Read the account in I Samuel 3: 13.
May God help all of us to live "at home" so sweetly, so tenderly, and
so lovingly -- that the memories we make within our homes may be music
in the heart, sweeter than the songs that angels sing -- and may our family
circles be unbroken in the world to come.
If we had paid no more attention to our plants than we have to out
children, we would now be living in a jungle of weeds.
--Burbank